Flowers

Just like every year on this date the internet is filled with beautiful pictures of twenty somethings paying tribute to their beloved mothers, passionate think pieces arguing the importance of honoring thy mother and Kohls, JC Penney and Sears promoting their Mother’s Day Door busters. Mother’s Day is always a beautiful sunny day, with blooming flowers and happiness in the air, you can tell it’s Mother Nature’s favorite holiday, she pulls out all the stops to make sure the mothers just like herself can enjoy the weather along with the day. Each year we witness everyone paying tribute to their mothers in the most beautiful ways. Flowers sell out, the brunch spots are full and kids have promised to accompany mom and grandma to church as they do every year on this day. It’s a beautiful time.

I began to feel this feeling of complete dread, anticipating Mother’s Day Sunday. I think it has been this way for a few years now and because in the recent years I have only just begun to address the trauma caused by my relationship with my own mother.  Like everyone else on social media for Mothers Day, I to would pay tribute to my “Queen” with a flattering photo and a paragraph that would have left you teary eyed.

Recent events have forced me to really address the toxic relationship between my mother and I. My mother and I have a completely strained relationship at this point, meaning we don’t speak and in recent times that we have had communication it has been a generic “Happy Birthday” text from her and a quick “Thanks” from me.

What makes the current state of my relationship with my mother so hard for me to come to terms with, is that the current state of our relationship was destined to be this way. From a young age I would have done anything for my mother and I did do anything for my mother. I burdened myself with the responsibility of healing my mother from the trauma she received from her own mother. Recently I have been learning about Epigenetics, which is the belief of the transfer of trauma starting in the womb which ties into the belief that our grandmothers carried us first. Now it is during my studying of Epigentics that I came to the realization that in trying to heal my mother of her trauma I was also taking on the responsibility of trying to heal generations of trauma that came before her.

I think each generation unknowingly but still willingly transferred their trauma onto their offspring as a means to rid themselves of those demons and with hopes that the generation after them would be able to vanquish those demons completely. When one generation failed, it was passed to the next and so on and so forth.

I am not making an excuse for my mothers shortcomings but before I can completely dissect her shortcomings I have to be fair and look into the past and understand that it is very hard for someone to give you something they never received.

The issue with the women in my family is that they all became parents before it was truly their time. Oftentimes you see and hear these same validating words “Babies are a blessing.” and “You were given that child for a reason.” or “Motherhood is the most beautiful gift.” I am sure all of those things are true, but only when and if the person receiving the responsibility is ready for it mentally. We place so much emphasis on the financial burden of having children when we need to look at the environment to which the child will be born and raised in, mental state of the mother and her current relationship with her own mother and grandmother. It indeed takes a village to raise a child but that village is led by the mothers that came before you, if the relationship between your mother and your grandmother is strained then you have no village.

I wasn’t born into a village. I was born on April 8th to a sixteen year old mother who was forced to be happy about my presence and in turn forced to love me.

The hardest part about facing your trauma especially at the hands of your parents is really admitting to yourself that the people you are conditioned to believe are supposed to love you unconditionally and unapologetically and unwaveringly will not love you, no matter how much you love them. Then admitting how much this realization has affected you.

I am really just writing based off of intense feelings right now guys, so I am going to close this up with this,

I blame my mother for everything in my life. The good and the bad. Part of my healing is not feeling guilty for giving her this blame, whether she chooses to carry it or not. Whether it is floating out there in limbo somewhere it is no longer a burden of mine to carry but a process to rid myself of it all.

I will not let the failed relationship between my mother and I hinder me from becoming a mother. I want to be a mother desperately and spread the importance of relationship between mother and child on to other people. My dream is to have a house full of kids, 7-10 if I am lucky. I hope to be so secure in my healing that I have enough love to go around to each of them, giving them all individually what they need from and at the same time loving them all just the same. I hope to nurture lovers, leaders and healers in an environment and village that assist me in doing so. My dream is to gift the world with beautiful souls whose mother fought for them even before they got here. I want my kids to be free of the curse of trauma and I know while I can’t go back and rid the women before me of theirs, I can work hard to make sure my children are not born with any.

I know this is really short and to the point and probably all over the place but I needed to do this sharing.

Love and Light,

Send me feedback of course.

Fat & Proud

The other day I was scrolling through facebook and I came across this meme :

And I promise if I could find the person who created this meme I would kiss her in the mouth, no introductions and no questions asked. So one of my facebook friends shared the post and then of course, I shared it and went on an entire rant that was too long for facebook about why this meme is so relevant. So I decided randomly to just share it on here to elaborate more and speak about body image and self-esteem.

This specific meme is so relevant because fat shaming is a serious problem in society and a lot of you aren’t even aware of the fact that you’re guilty of fat shaming your fat friends and family. Saying things like “I need to stop eating because I am gaining too much weight,” assuming that being overweight is only caused by eating habits, some people were actually born fat and they can’t help that. Saying things like “I feel like a fat ass,” yes that’s fat shaming too because tell me how does a “fat ass” feel? I am serious because I have witnessed fat women and men who are light as hell on their feet and if you don’t believe me then watch a Heavy D or Missy Elliott video.

The thing is fat people are not self-conscious anymore, that’s just a character flaw society has branded us with unwillingly. The idea that fat people are not out here declining romantic gestures, the assumption that fat people do not have active sex lives, the assumption that fat people are lazy slobs, the assumption that fat people can’t or don’t dance, the assumption that all fat people have poor diets, are not athletic and the most important one, the assumption that fat people can’t be attractive, can’t have leading roles in movies and television shows or even be models or video vixens. These are all just assumptions and horrible assumptions they are.

 

Some of us will never be a size 0, hell some of us will never even be a size 14. Even these false representations of plus size women that society is trying to brand as the “beautiful fat girl” is wrong, when I say fat I mean the fat men and women who more than likely can’t find their sizes in local stores, even stores that have plus size sections.

 

 

It’s so crazy because I remember going to the mall right before New Years actually in search of something to wear because the dress I ordered online didn’t come in time, so I was in the store searching tirelessly for the plus size section and I finally had to ask a sales associate where I could find it and she replied “Oh we don’t have a plus size section here.” I was just like okay and walked out.

So then, of course, we have those insensitive people who troll fat people who complain about lack of sizing accommodations in stores and they respond by saying “Well you could lose weight,” Well bitch maybe I don’t fucking want to, as a matter of fact, I don’t want to and fuck whoever has a problem with that. It is true, stores need to be more accommodating to all body shapes and sizes. I literally don’t understand who told these fuckers that fat people don’t like to wear nice clothes. That fat women don’t like to wear crop tops and fat men don’t like to wear tank tops. Fuck ya’ll. Do better.

Fat and Proud.

 

Also let me talk about fat people and dating, just because I am fat doesn’t mean I only like fat men or fat women. NO! I like them all, send them all to me, except the ones who have a problem with my weight. Do ya’ll remember when the picture was going viral of the fat woman being proposed to by the guy that based on society beauty standards was too attractive for her? Now mind you, she was absolutely beautiful and not for a fat girl, she was just a beautiful girl. It is because society labels fat people as ugly, that anytime you see a fat person dating an otherwise attractive person everyone automatically assumes the attractive person is a gold digger and only their for the money. Well, that isn’t true for everyone, every fat person isn’t naive with low self-esteem. Ya’ll think fat bitches are really stressed over some dick? It is niggas out here who will literally fuck for a quesadilla, just like their are also people out here in this world who aren’t shallow.

The problem isn’t weight, society just has this issue with fat people. I know first hand what its like to be fat in this world, I was 14 when I started getting the Depo-Privera birth control shot and before that, I was maybe in a  size 1 in pants, by the summer of my junior year I had gained 100 pounds. It was during that time where I struggled most with my self-esteem and it had a lot to do with my weight. You see as a teenager it’s very hard to be fat because your relationships change, your social status change and the way people receive you change. I think as a teenager that is when you’re most vain. My senior year of high school I was still gaining weight, I was stressed about going to a new school and being entered into a new environment, graduation was coming, and so was prom. I honestly hated prom season, I didn’t think I was beautiful enough and add that to the fact that no one asked me to prom, I felt like shit. I stayed at prom maybe 45 minutes, I couldn’t wait to get home, out the dress and forget anything that reminded me of high school.

I don’t even remember when things changed for me. Maybe is was after I moved away for six months, cut my hair and worked as a barista in a small town. I started to view myself differently for sure. Once I was sure I was over my self esteem issues , I slowly reintegrated myself  into my old lifestyle, just with a new mindset. I believed I was the shit so everyone else did too, but I also no longer depended on other people to validate my beauty. Not when people told me my natural hair was ugly, not when people made slick comments about my weight and not when people told me what I should do to be prettier. Thanks for the advice but no thanks.

It doesn’t matter what shape or size you are, it doesn’t matter if your hair is short, long or bald if you say you are beautiful than you are beautiful. Also, surround yourself with people who are well intentioned and love everything about you, even the things you hate about yourself and the things about you that get on their nerves. After I found comfort in validating my own self, it was easy for me to appreciate the other beautiful women in my life.

The only real validation we need is for all women to see other women on the street and compliment them on simple shit or big shit. I feel great when another woman tells me my ass looks like is getting fat as opposed to some random ass guy walking by and saying “Damn lil mama you thick as fuck.” My ass is flat as hell for one , but the acknowlegement is nice ! I hate having big breast, but it makes me so happy when a woman is like “OMG I wish my breast were as big as yours,” No bitch actually you don’t, but you know what , thank you.

I want to end this post by challenging every woman to cultivate healthy relationships with other women, take our self esteem out of the hands of men and place them in the hands of each other and work overtime to raise the self esteem of each other. I challenge all women to teach and share something with another woman whether it’s beauty tips, recipes or a sale. Post a picture of new friends and old friends and tell them how much they mean to you. For yourself I ask that you take 30 seconds out of each day and just say positive things about yourself in the mirror. Love yourself so that you can love others.

Peace and love !

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IG: CHAKRA.FLOCKA.FLAME

 

SIS. The Importance of Black Sisterhood.

Hey ya’ll !

So today I want to talk about BLACK SISTERHOOD.

Black sisterhood is the responsibility that black women have to one another and each black woman’s responsibility to cultivate that sisterhood in the most effective ways.

Through generations black women have been conditioned to have a lack of  trust for one another,  this conditioning stems from the competitive nature instilled in black women, by men and by society.

Black women compete for men and for acceptance by society.

I will start with men. Somehow, black women have been led to believe that their is a shortage in the availability of decent black  men. I understand you all have your statistics and statistics may show that their is a shortage in the availability of black men, but does that mean we have to compete for and become “pick me” bitches for the sake of some attention? You see I believe wholeheartedly that their are Dwayne Wayne’s and Randall Pearson’s for all the black women in the world who want one, but I also believe that they only show up for the black women who understand that you can’t be Whitney Gilbert to Dwayne Wayne or Beth Pearson to Randall Pearson while at the same time lacking self dignity, self fulfillment and loyalty to self and the sisterhood. Therefore a lot of you are in last place.

 

Black women have allowed themselves to be conditioned by both society and men so negatively that we have moved into a culture of settling. Settling for men who ultimately don’t deserve us and when I say men, I do mean black men. Settling for men who are not capable of and will never be capable of being your equal just so you can say that you aren’t alone. AGAIN SIS, YOU ARE IN LAST PLACE. A lot of the animosity between black women isn’t necessarily jealousy, a lot of the animosity stems from the fact that we play the role of internal affairs to the male run police station. Men policing the sexuality, appearance and confidence of women and using other women to deliver the message. FOR EXAMPLE AYESHA CURRY’S COMMENTS ON TWITTER ABOUT BEING A MODEST WOMAN FOR YOUR MAN OR GABRIELLE UNIONS COMMENTS ABOUT EATING HER MANS ASS AND WHEN WOMEN WEREN’T AS RECEPTIVE TO IT AS SHE WOULD HAVE LIKED THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN WOMEN ARE SUPPRESSING THEIR SEXUALITY AND PERPETUATING A CYCLE OF OPPRESSION.

No ma’am, that isn’t what happened, see on both you and Ayesha’s quest to be the voice of married women in the world you forgot how thin the line is between advocacy and judgement in which you both then secured your respective spots on Kya’s “Pick Me” bitch list, along with many others. Each of those conversations you all decided to go public with were conversations that originally took place in the privacy of your own home,  conversations in which both your husbands decided to make you feel more special than the rest and more valued because you have either decided to cover up or eat ass.

 

 

Is a woman suppressing her sexual needs because she has made a conscious decision not to eat a mans ass? I mean that sounds exactly like something a man would say to convince a woman to eat his ass.

“How you know you don’t like it if you never tried it? Just try it this one time for me please, be more open.”

or, just because a woman doesn’t buy her clothes at a Lord & Taylor or Talbot’s but instead would rather show some skin or all the skin, tell me Ayesha, does that make her right for respect any less valid? Not only are you demeaning black women but you have unknowingly become the female spokesperson and supporter of rape culture in this society.

Here is something to think about, you can eat a mans ass everyday for years and if one day he wakes up and decides your tongue isn’t warm and wet enough for his sweet little asshole, he will have no problem bouncing to the next bitch with a virgin tongue and a “pick me” complex.

 

And the same goes for the modesty thing, I mean you can spend your days in turtle necks and ankle pants but low-key your man is obsessed with the big booty, blonde hair , loud mouth, fishnet and thong wearing woman he runs into at the gas station every so often. If that isn’t enough to convince you, ask these preachers wives. Everything is not always as it seems.

From a societal standpoint, black women have been the martyrs and underdogs in this rat race for centuries and I don’t see it coming to an end anytime soon. The least we can do is cultivate some type of allegiance in the process because at the end of the day we are the only ones who don’t benefit from any privileges that society has to offer. We are black and we are women, the odds will forever be stacked against us, but it does not have to be this lonely.

 

Black women have been on the front lines of every movement and every fight. When white women wanted to vote, WE WERE THERE, but the white women said “OH, WE DIDN’T MEAN YA’LL, LET US GET OUR RIGHTS FIRST AND WE WILL DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.” and well we all see how that has worked out. We were also on the front lines of the civil rights movement and Angela Davis still ended up leaving the BPP because of misogyny and sexism. Today, Black Lives Matter was founded by black women, black women once again rallying the troops and ready to go toe to toe with the justice system that has been failing us for too long, but imagine the disappointment when the death of a black woman Korryn Gaines by the police in 2016 was met with so much resistance by black men. Korryn, just like most black women, spoke out against the injustices faced by black men in America and well in return, black men shitted on her. How? “Because the most disrespected person in America is the black woman”. This nation was built on the bosoms of black women and yet we are always the last ones to benefit from it.

 

REST EASY KORRYN GAINES

I can honestly say that I would not be the woman I am today without the relationships I have cultivated with the black women in my life. From the toxic relationship with my mother to my sister friends across the states. All of them are readily available to me and I for them. Through these women I have found confidence, support, new interest, new goals and role models. Through these women I learned perseverance, emotional intelligence and self respect. The black women in my life are all very valuable to me and my continued growth.

 

 

I will close by saying, if you are having trouble cultivating those relationships with other black women, please reach out to me. I will be your friend and we can grow from there. Reach out to that other sister you work with, the sister at the coffee spot who works behind the counter or the one you see at the park every Sunday. Reach out. Compliment each other when you walk by, every time you walk by. Smile at them. HUG YOUR SISTER FRIENDS. Even if you aren’t affectionate, show affection to one another. The bond between you and the other black women in your life needs to extend past “Hey Bitch.”

Just show love.

Thank you all for reading as always. LIKE. COMMENT. SHARE.

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Kardashian Privilege v.Women

In a society where a woman is often criticized for the way she chooses to present herself to the world, I wonder what allows certain women the privilege of being exempt from judgment: By certain women, I do mean the Kardashian women.

It is no secret that the Kardashian women are never made to answer for their lack of respectability, their fetishization with any culture but their own and their unwillingness to stand in solidarity with the cultures they appropriate and fetishize every day. Specifically black culture.

 

 

Kardashian privilege allows Khloe, Kim, Kendall and Kylie the opportunity to live and thrive as carefree and unapologetic black women. It allows them to imitate the features of a black woman but not the plight of the black woman. It allows Khloe to twerk on camera and to post it comfortably because she knows it will be seen as “having fun.” Meanwhile, black women twerking on camera is “what strippers do” or “they don’t respect themselves” or “this is what’s wrong with women today.” Why is that? How can Khloe, Kylie, and Kim go pay for a body in my image and are allowed to live more comfortably in it than I am allowed to?

 

 

Call it what it is, Bruce Jenner and Kris Jenner are unfit to be parents and have ultimately exploited their children and turned it into a lucrative business.

The Kardashians are preying on black men. Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner cooked up an entire lie about the sex tape between Ray-J and Kim Kardashian, Ray-J who at the time was doing okay for himself and his brand, I mean we knew who he was before the sex tape not only as Brandys little brother but as Dorian from the Moesha show who also had a banger with Lil Kim at one point, a scheme that for the most part blacklisted Ray-J who is now showing his ass on Love and Hip-Hop Hollywood for 500 dollars an episode but put the entire Kardashian clan on the map. Nevermind that their father was one of the defense attorneys for the high profile case of OJ Simpson, no that didn’t put them on the map, what put them on the map was Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian scheming up a sex tape, playing victim when it was leaked and from it the Kardashians solidified their spot as the pioneers of reality TV, while Kim Kardashian would go on to be one of the greatest sex symbols of pop culture. Kim would then go on to grab Reggie Bush at the highlight of his career of course and parade him on the show which did wonders for ratings because not only had you seen the sex tape, was told Kim strips down naked more than once in the show and come to find out one of the hottest football players would be making an appearance, sign me up right? Wrong! Thank goodness senses were come to and Reggie and Kim split, that didn’t stop Kim though because it only gets worse from there.

 

 

Let us talk about how poor Kris Humphries was made to believe that he and Kim fell in love at first sight and after a few months of dating not only did she get him to propose but to actually go through with the wedding. Now of course on the show, per usual we were made to feel like the Kardashians were the victims, poor Kim, Kris is an asshole and doesn’t have a filter and plays too much, how horrible right. Wrong! Actually, Kim realized she had made a huge mistake when Kanye West actually began to pursue her seriously. After what 3 months she filed for an annulment and began seriously dating Kanye West, but still, we never berated her in the media for that did we, no, because according to the show she was the victim all along, Kris Humphries was horrible I tell you, horrible. Yet the whole time he was being exploited by the Kardashians for the selfish intentions of Kim Kardashian, who has big dreams of being the wife of someone who signs million dollar contracts, free insurance and sitting courtside at the games with the other basketball wives and the elite.

Some of you may ask “What would Kim need with Kris Humphries who no one knew about and I am sure wasn’t making that much money.” Let me answer that for you, you see it isn’t necessarily about the money for the Kardashians, especially for Kim, what it is about is status. What fun is having money if you don’t have the status to go along with it? What reason would Kim Kardashian, someone who started out as Paris Hilton’s assistant, have to be sitting courtside with the high rollers and the elite if no one respected her status? You have a man who is on the court then they don’t have a choice but to respect her. The Kardashians wealth is nothing without a man to give them status and it only takes ONE MAN to lead them all to the top.

 

 

Which brings me to my next point.

Kim Kardashian is the reason Kanye isn’t himself. Anytime our black men associate themselves with Kim Kardashian they risk losing themselves. Prior to associating himself with Kim Kardashian Kanye was well he was Kanye, he was always unfiltered, unapologetic and passionate Kanye. However, being mixed in with the Kardashians all of a sudden he is associated with their show, proposing on camera, showing up on episodes of the Kardashians and any true Kanye fan would know how low-key Kanye was prior to. Do I love Kanye West outburst? Of course, I do, but there was a time when Kanye West took those outburst and put them over a beat. He didn’t need the camera to get a point across. Yet, he began dealing with the biggest media whore since Anna Nicole and all of a sudden we have Kanye at odds with some of his closest industry contacts? The Throne is in Jeopardy? What? Kanye West suffering from mental illness and the world knows about it? Real Kanye fans know that Donda didn’t raise him like this and she would never approve of Kim Kardashian. What happened to Kanye is he has allowed himself to be poisoned by the Kardashian strand and therefore he is losing himself.

Kim Kardashian found the perfect opportunity when she found Kanye. You see Kanye always had dealings in the fashion industry and has always had an impeccable sense of style and trendsetting abilities. Kanye starts dating Kim Kardashian and literally upgrades her, throws out her entire wardrobe, replaces it and began to personally dress her. To add insult to injury, Kim Kardashian had been trying tirelessly with no success to get a foot into the high-end fashion industry, specifically a spot in Vogue magazine, well it’s only fitting that you start dating Kanye West who is well respected by some of the hottest high-end designers as well as personal friends with the Anna Wintour and so Kim Kardashian gets her chance to grace the cover of Vogue Magazine. Not alone, though, Kanye will accompany you. No one was checking for Kim Kardashian seriously until she began dating Kanye, he opened up a lot of doors for her and her family and like I said in order for the Kardashians to gain status it usually only takes on black savior and right now that is Kanye West. That is why he’s going crazy.

 

Khloe Kardashian. Khloe Kardashian was given an ultimatum by Kim Kardashian in an episode of the Kardashians either get in shape or your camera time will be cut pretty much. As a family who thrives on sexual exploitation it is a fact that no one was particularly excited to tune into the show and follow the story line of the less attractive sister whose only storyline was masking deep rooted insecurities about her weight and looks with being the more aggressively outspoken sister ready to go to war with anyone who crossed her family. I didn’t have much of an issue with Khloe actually, when she was heavier and deemed the ugly sister I feel it almost made her more down to earth and relatable, plus on multiple occasions we got to watch her attack Kims character completely unfiltered and tell her how much a problem she and Kris Jenner actually was. I was actually supportive of her relationship with Lamar Odom, especially after learning the Lamar Odom generally was attracted to women who were racially ambiguous. Then out of nowhere, Lamar Odom became a crackhead just as bad off as his father who he swore he would never be like and right before our eyes we witnessed Khloe Kardashian’s transformation from a low 4 to a perfect 20. In the process of Khloe Kardashian losing weight, she began to exhibit the usual problematic Kardashian traits. Dating the boyfriend (French Montana) of a black woman she supposedly called her friend (Trina), rocking Bantu knots and thrusting herself in the throes of Hip-Hop culture. When I mean Hip-Hop culture I mean twerking on The Games snap chat, jailhouse poses with Chris Brown, Diddy, and French Montana, using African-American Vernacular and right before our eyes, we watched her build a brand as a sex symbol on Instagram to which so many other women are shamed for. Not only that, but you would think that with as much time Khloe Kardashian spends appropriating the black culture that we wouldn’t have to worry about her posting a picture on Instagram that says “ALL LIVES MATTER.” Yeah right. Her latest victim is Tristan Thompson the basketball player and I am looking forward to seeing how fast she can get him down the aisle, on the show and then ruin his life.

 Kardashian Privilege v. Blac Chyna 

Now we get to the case of Blac Chyna versus the Kardashians. Check this out, Blac Chyna began dating famous rapper Tyga and somehow through Tyga’s connections becomes affiliated with the Kardashians. In that time, she and Kim Kardashian become great friends, she’s invited to family gatherings, birthday parties and she and Kim even decide to work off their baby weight together. Life is good. So even when you are sitting around one day looking at old funny Keeping Up With The Kardashian clips and you just so happen to come across the clip of a young Kylie Jenner professing her love for your fiancee and the father of your child, you all just laugh it off. Is it all in fun right? No actually it isn’t because in that time you watch Kims, little sister, slowly transforms, all of a sudden are lips are plumper, her breast is perkier, skin brighter, hair shinier, hips and thighs more toned. It’s just puberty, right? Oh no, actually it isn’t. In the same time, you notice that your man is becoming distant. He is spending more time with the Kardashians and people associated with the Kardashians, he’s picking fights and staying out all night. He hasn’t had a hit since 2012 so you know he isn’t in the studio or promoting new music. He should be dedicating his free time that he has when he isn’t working, to being with you and your son. Right? Wrong, because at the same time, Kim stops answering her phone and you’re no longer invited to family gatherings and parties. Now the rumors have started. You are being targeted by TMZ constantly with questions asking “Blac Chyna how do you feel about Tyga leaving you for a Kardashian?” Now you’re completely defending Tyga because you know the relationship status of all of the Kardashians and you know that isn’t even possible. You all just hit a rough patch, right? Wrong. You wake up 2 weeks later and the rumors are true but not only are they true it is the worst type of true, not only has he left you with no word of a split up, but he left you for the youngest Kardashian. All of a sudden Kylie Jenner is 17 some months from 18 and you see pictures of her and your man. Wow.

Blac Chyna had bigger issues on her hands though, because not only did Tyga leave her for a Kardashian he left her for an underage girl and because she was a Kardashian the rules didn’t apply. In that moment Blac Chyna witnessed what types of privileges you get for being a Kardashian. You began to understand that society treats pedophilia on a case by case basis and that when Tyga did interviews and they asked him about his relationship with Kylie Jenner, for the most part, he wasn’t berated and blacklisted. Oh no. Society continued to talk about how beautiful Kylie Jenner was and how she gained independence at 17 by moving into her own place and somehow that made her an adult and made it okay for Tyga a 27-year-old man with a child to pursue a relationship with her. In the same light though Blac Chyna was also completely demonized by the media and by society. Headlines read “Tyga leaves stripper girlfriend Blac Chyna for youngest Kardashian.” Do we notice how wrong that is? I mean if we are going to call Blac Chyna a stripper in the headlines shouldn’t we at least refer to Tyga as a pedophile and Kylie Jenner as underage? Of course not because the media and society are all about demonizing and dismantling the character and credibility of the black woman. We know that right?

The terror for Blac Chyna doesn’t end there, she pursues a relationship with Rob Kardashian and I will try to keep this explanation short and sweet. She Pursues a relationship with Rob Kardashian, Rob Kardashian who has been alienated from his family for some years. He didn’t show his face on the show anymore and he didn’t even attend the wedding of his sister Kim. So, of course, it was a big deal when he and Blac Chyna started being photographed around town together and an even bigger deal when the two got engaged and Blac Chyna got pregnant. Oh, how the tables turn right. Well not actually because in the midst of this relationship we all began to catch wind of Rob Kardashians mental illness, not only was Blac Chyna dealing with the backlash she was receiving from pursuing this relationship and the media calling her things like a “Golddigger” and “Hoe” but she was also dealing with the backlash of dealing with Rob Kardashians mental illness.

So, of course, the Kardashian privilege bestowed upon Rob Kardashian gives him the right to cry wolf whenever he and Blac Chyna have a disagreement and she decides to lock him out the house or break up with him or however that goes, somehow she is always in the wrong. Even after she came out and spoke about dealing with Rob’s mental illness and insecurities and even having Rob cosign her on it. Somehow she is still to blame. Why do you ask? Because of course nothing is ever a Kardashian’s fault. This isn’t the first time Kardashian privilege has gone on a mission to destroy the character of someone once affiliated with the Kardashians. If we remember, Rob Kardashian once dated Adrienne Bailon and this was back when he was actually hot. Well while he dated her, he was emotionally and verbally abusive as well as a serial cheater. Somehow when Adrienne Bailon decided to leave him for good it was an issue. The Kardashian women banned together and began to blame Adrienne for their brothers current emotional and physical state after she made a harmless comment during an interview about their relationship. How is it her fault that he cheated on her and instead of choosing to stick around and endure the constant disrespect, she left him and empowered herself? Why should she have stayed? How come we never addressed Robs cheating and abuse?

Kardashian abuse isn’t just for Kardashian women, it is for Kardashian men too.

I am also not even going to mention the Pepsi debacle of 2017. Really I just hate the Kardashians and everything they stand for. The media has given them unlimited power and with power comes what is supposed to be great responsibility but instead, these bitches just started collecting privilege. *Insert Eyeroll*

ANYONE WHO LIKES THE KARDASHIANS OR PEPSI PRODUCTS ARE MEDIOCRE. YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU’RE KEYSHIA COLE. DON’T BE A KEYSHIA COLE ASS BITCH.

So in closing I just want to say, fuck the Kardashians, fuck anyone who likes the Kardashians, fuck E! too! Also, notice I didn’t mention Bruce Jenner too much in this post about Kardashian privilege and I did so purposely. After reading through this post you all will understand that at 60 something years old Bruce was privileged enough to decide he wanted to become Caitlyn Jenner and then get on national television and say he’s a republican who doesn’t support same-sex marriage or the LGBTQ community, seeing as how we have humans living in fear every day and are not able to be their true selves for fear of being scrutinized in the public eye, there are people who aren’t as privileged to be allowed to make that transition so easily and to be accepted so easily. He doesn’t deserve anything but the electric chair. *Drops Mic*

Happy Hating!

FM:
Snapchat: kwarns
Insta: Metro.Bloomin
Facebook: Kya Arreale Warnsley

Black Men Have Failed Serena Williams

 

Fuck any black man who has ever disrespected a black woman. Who has ever called a dark-skinned black woman ugly, who has ever made the comment that light skinned black women are more beautiful. Fuck a black man who has ever said he doesn’t date black women because we are too loud, too obnoxious, too ghetto, nappy headed, ashy, ugly and whatever else, and fuck him especially for sharing that with other black men and white women. Fuck black men who don’t speak up for black women when we are being disrespected, counted against, sexualized, abused and left out. Fuck black men who sexualize black women in strip clubs, music videos, movies, pornos and just in everyday life. Fuck all black men who have played a part in the self-hate in black women across the world, for making us feel inadequate and unwanted.

I am clearly still reeling from the news of Serena Williams’ engagement to Alexis Ohanian, the owner of popular news source Reddit.

Honestly, I am devastated by this news, I am hurt and highly disappointed. However, I am not disappointed in Serena as much as I am disappointed in black men.

I am disappointed in black men because Serena Williams embodies perfectly the black woman that black men fantasize about every day. Thick, successful and independent. The only problem is for decades black men have never used Serena Williams as an example of black beauty.

For decades black men and the media have attached Serena Williams’ name to insults such as ugly and too masculine and those are just to give you an idea.

So can we blame Serena for seeking comfort in the arms of a white man? Can we blame Serena Williams if she harbors some type of resentment towards black men for the public shame she has had to endure for all this time? Can we blame her for perpetuating a vicious cycle in the black community of colorism? Can we blame her for possibly fetishizing children of mixed race?

No, we can’t because maybe in her mind she may be setting in motion a chance to shelter her kids from the burden of social abuse she and her sister have faced for decades for not being seen as the standard of beauty in society or in black culture.

There is no way that a black man should not have come in and been Serena Williams’ black knight and I mean that shit. Serena is a gem. Black excellence in human form, when we talk about black girl magic, Serena Williams is the standard. Black men failed her.

You see the problem with black women seeking comfort in the arms of white men is it further perpetuates the “White Savior” complex, a role that white men who date women of color are so comfortable in. In this role, fetishization usually rules the relationship between white men and women of color, her body, her hair, her skin and even the way she speaks. In my opinion, these fetishizations are overlooked because with the internalized self-hate the black woman is nurturing inflicted on her by the same self-hate that is being nurtured by the black man, how could she mind when her white lover refers to her as “black queen,” “chocolate muffin,” or “Hershey Kiss?” It’s because someone is seeing the beauty in her that the black man was supposed to see, nurture and protect. Interracial dating between people of color and white people is already a fetish because it’s referred to as “swirling.”

This is a picture of Jacob Michael Mason, I don’t know why he insist on using his full name but anyways, Jacob Michael Mason is literally king of the “I’m white and I fetishize black women” movement. All of his post are about how soft and beautiful black womens skin is under the sun and their hair and their bodies and its just uncomfortable, but black women love this white man. However, I have scoped his instagram page and twitter and realized that he really means he loves racially ambiguous women. Its just disturbing. I hate him.

And this one too.

KYA SAYS:

BLACK MEN DON’T DETERMINE WHAT BLACK WOMAN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL, ALL BLACK WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Black women, the problem is we give black men too much say in beauty standards. Every day we have to deal with hate coming from black men, if I am being completely honest, colorism in the black community is perpetuated by black men. We didn’t start that aggressive dark skinned woman complex about ourselves and we didn’t start that stuck up light skinned complex about ourselves either.

It is time that we take that power back from them, we are not going to be able to cultivate black love in our communities if we don’t start calling out black men for disrespecting our sisters. It is our responsibility to do so.

Stop acting like we have to accept any and all bullshit from black men with no excuse, because we don’t. It is not our job to nurture the self-hate of black men we did not give birth to. So what if that bitch says he doesn’t like black women for whatever reason, it isn’t our job to convince him that he should. For every black man that is out there not dating black women, there are a 100 more black men out there who will worship the ground you walk on. A black man with a thicker beard, a bigger dick and who is willing to rub your feet with coconut oil every night.

And just to be clear, I am not bashing interracial relationships because I do have friends and family who are currently involved in relationships with white people. However,  I am speaking from my own experiences with it, at a time in my life, before my self-esteem skyrocketed and allowed me to see how beautiful I am and was a black child and now as a black woman, I too fetishized relationships with white men and mixed children. I just remember saying on multiple occasions how one day I would marry the white president of the United States and live Happily Ever After. Even more recently, I found myself leaning towards entertaining a white man and possibly being open to a relationship with him, and I will tell you what happened, he got too comfortable, he started saying things that made me feel uncomfortable not as a woman, but as a black body period so I had to let that shit go.

I think back to a time when I was in the 5th grade, I had started to get into music heavily and around that same time, 50 Cent was getting big. Get Rich or Die Trying the movie had just come out and was on cable so I was able to watch it constantly, at the same time the Get Rich or Die Trying album had just been released also and I was shook. I was 11 or 12, in the 5th grade and it took  me seeing 50 Cent in Get Rich or Die Trying that ultimately had me fantasizing about one day being married to a black man. A black man who was big and strong like 50 Cent, especially the way he was greased up on that album cover.

And say what you all want, he was fine as hell to me. This was the first album I ever owned and the first rap music I ever memorized. So thank you 50 cent for helping me destroy my own fetishizations and bringing me closer to being an unapologetically black woman.

I want to leave a message to black men. Love a black woman, console her, kiss her hair that society calls nappy, kiss her mouth that society calls too slick, kiss her thick thighs, her hardworking hands and feet and just love on her. Black women are a gem and it is no possible way for black women to fight the negativity from the masses without the support of the black man.

Peace, Love and Light to you all. Black Power.

 

 

 

D.O.R (Death of Respectability)

Okay, so I have the time today to speak about respectability  as it pertains to women. For those of you who may not be familiar with the term respectability, it is the understood idea that polices the quality of being proper, correct and socially acceptable.

My problem with respectability is I want to know who gave anyone the right to police the way any person, better yet the way any woman conducts herself in her own skin.

I know that a man created respectability rules for women just like white people created respectability rules for black people. I am black and a woman, and I, for one, don’t even think about how I can be respectable in the presence of men or white people. However, I have seen an increase in videos and discussions on how a woman should conduct herself on social media, in front of men and in social settings if she expects respect from the opposite sex or even from other women. Today we will challenge those ideals.

I was recently involved in a facebook debate pertaining to respectability in which one of my facebook friends posted the following status:

“All the girls I thought were cool in high school are PROSTITUTES NOW. I wanted to be like them sooo bad. Moral of the story be you and win in real life.” 

This specific status bothered me because in my mind it justifies the double standard between men and women. I can’t understand how it is more socially acceptable for a man to fuck different women every day of the week for a place to stay, sports channels and a hot plate, but when a woman decides to sell her own pussy for similar necessities she loses respect and credibility. Also, who gave any man or woman the right to tell another woman what to do with her own pussy? The problem is since the beginning of time women have been seen as property, used only for the sexual enjoyment of men and submissives to the male ego.

Back to this status, so a lot of people commented on the status in agreement with the poster. There was one man commenting saying verbatim “no man wants their daughter being a prostitute and no man wants to marry a prostitute.”  And that may be so but does a man really have the right to say that? How can you not want your daughter sliding down a pole or on a man’s pole when you as a man don’t even stand by this truth? Tricking off in a strip club on someone else’s daughter is acceptable because in your words “she’s a good time girl” and should only be used for a good time, so it’s justified. Okay, well what if to someone else your daughter is what you call a “good time girl?”

Men do not own their wives’ or their daughter’s bodies.
Men do not own their wives’ or their daughter’s bodies.
Men do not own their wives’ or their daughter’s bodies.
Men do not own their wives’ or their daughter’s bodies.

Ladies just because you are married does not give your man the right to tell you how you’re supposed to share your body with him, how you are supposed to love your body or put it on display. Regardless of how the media portrays women, we are not sexual objects and we damn sure are not the property of the man we choose to share our lives with.

If you want to bounce your ass be it on a dick, a pole or on camera do you sis! If the person you’re choosing to share your body with doesn’t understand why it isn’t their place to police your body or your body image, then you need to make a decision about who you’re choosing to pop your pussy for. Regardless of what we have been conditioned to believe, pussy makes the world go round and life is too short for you to be doing tricks on a dick that doesn’t respect you outside the bedroom. This is not up for discussion either.

With my views on respectability comes a lot of hate from men, as well as women who are are guilty of parallel policing  and they always come with the same argument that women should respect themselves if they expect to gain any respect from anyone else.

So first of all, why the fuck is my right and desire for respect  based on how my clothes fit , how I walk , talk and engage with the opposite sex?

Second of all, why is it only okay for women to display sexual comfortability in the bedroom for the pleasure of men?

Our grandmothers suffered sexual oppression from men so that we can live comfortably in our sexualities today. Don’t disappoint your grandmother ladies. Your grandmother would want you to wear that crop top with those booty shorts, your grandmother would want you to twerk to your favorite song and post it to Instagram, your grandmother would want you to take nude pictures not to send to your man but to marvel at how beautiful your body is. Your grandmother would want you to be comfortable in your skin, without seeking validation from men.

Women are the problem too, stop letting other women tell you “what you need to do” to get a man. Stop letting your mothers tell you “no man wants a mean woman, smile sometimes.” it’s worse when it comes from other women. You shouldn’t have to do anything to get a man; if a man wants your time he will take whatever the fuck you come with and that’s facts. Women have the right to be choosy just like men do.  If you don’t like cooking, go get a man who can cook. If you don’t like to clean, get a maid or a man who likes to clean. If you like to party , get a man who likes to party too. I used these examples because these are the examples given when talking about a respectable woman. Knowing how to do these things ,  not knowing and or wanting to do these things doesn’t make you more or less of a woman. If you live in your truth then ultimately the man who comes along will take you just like that. I will take it a step further, the women who stay in the house , cook, clean , iron , take care of the kids, and all that other societal respectable shit , they still get cheated on. So…

Yes I glorify the term “hoe” because regardless of if I am a virgin or I can keep up a home at some point in my life I will be referred to as a “hoe” in a way that means to degrade me. So yes I am a “hoe” and I am extremely proud of it because hoes don’t seek validation from men, society or other women.

This is Gucci Mane
Gucci Mane is engaged to Keyshia Ka’oir
Keyshia wears clothes that accentuate and show off her body often
Gucci Mane usually wears colors and materials that compliment her attire
Gucci Mane still proposed to her
Gucci Mane shows her off often
Gucci Mane knows that he doesn’t own Keyshia Ka’oir’s body or her brand.
Get you a Gucci Mane.

This is Kanye West
Kanye West is married to KIm Kardashian
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have two children
Kim Kardashian has a sex tape and post nudes on social media often
Kim Kardashian is a sex symbol
Kanye West styles Kim Kardashian often
Kanye West doesn’t police Kim Kardashians sexuality
Kanye West knows Kim Kardashian’s body doesn’t belong to him or their children.
Get you a Kanye West.

HOW TO BE A RESPECTABLE WOMAN. 

The answer is simple – DON’T

HAPPY HOEING.

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I would love to hear all of your views on the subject and/or send me topics you would like for me to discuss.